Slaying the Dragon

It took the wisdom of one amazing woman to ask me one day, "you do know Prince Charming doesn't really exist right?" which made me realize then that if I wanted out, if I wanted to be happy, it was something I had to do by myself...I had to slay the dragon.  The dragon was my fear, my insecurity, my trepidation, the power the ex had over me.  How I chose to slay the dragon would determine how I would end up later.  All actions, all thoughts, manifest in the world around us and return to us again...I couldn't fight anger with anger, I had to do the opposite...without losing sight of the end game.

Confronting fears, realizing that the decisions I need to make are some of the toughest of my life - it's not just my life I'm changing, I have two young children to think about.  Every choice, every breath I take is for the three of us. 
I have to be strong enough to push back against the judgment, the criticism, the disapproval for what it is I need to do. I have to be strong enough to stand up for myself. I have to be strong enough to comfort them when they're scared...knowing deep down, I'm just as scared as they are.  I also have to be strong enough to be by myself, I can't be afraid to be alone.  I can't be scared of vulnerability, I need to find ways to trust what is in front of me.  I have to let go of the control I so desperately seek and realize that sometimes, a little faith is all I'll need to get from one day to the next. 

What was in the past will remain in the past...who I was isn't who I am today.  Others who come into my life will not be punished for the actions of those who have hurt me.  There is great strength in forgiveness and in acts of kindness - even to those who have hurt us. 

Once I can confidently feel in my heart that I have all the strength I need to carry on and move forward, I'll know that the dragon has been slain and can't hurt me anymore.