It's been a long time since I've posted - just over a month! So, what's new with me, you ask and why so long between posts? To put it simply, I've been busy and somewhat focused!
How was my Lenten journey? As you know, I chose to approach Lent differently than most people. Instead of giving up on something (only to pick the habit back up again), I decided I would use the time and become a stronger person physically, emotionally and spiritually. What a ride that was, let me tell you.
I chose also to focus on my marriage, since distractions have more or less shrunk back into the shadows (only to reappear in dreams, will post on that later). With a clearer head and heart, I decided to see how things would work out if I wasn't comparing him to something that really is unattainable in so many ways. And, this was a big step for me in a completely different direction than I was heading in January. I had separation papers ready to file, money saved up to move forward and was ready to jump head first into a divorce. For the most part, things are "fine"... and things can remain "fine" for as long as I want to live a "fine" life. And, I'm conflicted at the end of this whole spiritual journey. I had goals that were perfectly within my reach to accomplish, had I been supported by my partner in those goals. My "fine" husband and partner isn't the best thing for me..."fine" isn't good enough for me.
I wanted to be able to run 3 miles, but never seemed to have the time to devote to the excercise neccessary to do that. I tried running before dinner (while it cooked), only to be exhausted from lack of energy after work. I attempted to excercise after dinner, which was a MISTAKE of huge proportions...seriously felt like dying. Waiting until after the kids went to bed didn't work out either, because I was also ready to call it a day. Waking up super early...also not an easy option because I'd still need assistance with getting the kids up so that we'd be able to get out the door on time. Doing all this by myself........no bueno. But, I will keep trying and find the solution that works for the family.
Reading a book a week - that should have been easy for me. But, see the paragraph above and tell me how that would have fit in? Once home from work, I'm in the kitchen cooking, then cleaning up, putting kids to bed, laundry, tidying up the rest of the house. Moment my butt hits the couch, the last thing I seem to be able to focus on is reading. But, I will keep trying. Reading sharpens the mind :)
I tried to give up bad carbs and for the most part, that worked out nicely. In extreme moments of stress and emotion, I turn to them, but have noticed that I've been able to avoid the sugar binges more and more.
anyhow-- the journey continues. I'm still working on being a better "me" so that I can be a better mom, partner, worker, etc. sorry that this post took so long to write, but I will keep trying! :)
