Bridges and Trust



My awesome friend has an amazing husband who has a talented camera eye. She affectionately calls him her Mon'Kee...and this photo was taken by him. He has his own blog and I plan to feature his photos which inspire me to write....such as this one:  "Footbridge at Occoquan"

 When i saw this picture my first thought was, "what is on the other side of that bridge?" Just staring down the path in the picture, it has this tunnel vision effect- you can't see what's below it or on either side of it. Can't really even see the path on the other end, all you see are thick trees with no clue what else is out there beyond what the eye sees.  Taking that first step to cross that bridge would take an act of strength and faith.  Would the bridge remain steady and true?  Would the view as you crossed it be beautiful and breathtaking, making you think, "wow, if I hadn't started to cross, i would have missed this!"  And, once on the other side, would the path take me someplace amazing?  What's behind me and do I want to look back or just take that first step?

Anyone who truly knows me knows I have a fear of bridges.  Not all bridges mind you...just the scary ones.  :) There are places in the world where a simple bridge connects a remote village to civilization.  There are bridges which traverse swollen white water rapids which couldn't be crossed otherwise.  Bridges like these are neccessary to the survival of the people who need to use them.  These bridges cross insurmountable obstacles that a simple person may not be able to cross on their own. 

All in all, they fulfill a higher purpose....so what's my deal?

**rope bridges will probably never be crossed by me unless my life undoubtly depended on it.  I don't trust them, they're flimsy, no support...moments away from falling apart in my mind.  Not dependable and unreliable.
**old railway tressle bridges - yes, they were constructed to support trains crossing them over and over again, but for me to cross it?  forget about it.  The potential to trip, slip and fall through the tressle paralyzes me with fear.  There is a bridge in Maine that I was asked to walk across...think I got about 6 feet across, stopped, got on my hands and knees, cried and crawled back to the safety of the road.  I don't like the idea that if I have a clumsy moment, the bridge under my feet may disappear when I need it most.
**two lane bridges over water with only a jersey wall and no shoulder to pull off on...seriously?  Total devestating disaster is written all over this bridge.  All it takes is someone in the other lane, traveling way too fast...the head on collision or the swerve into (or through) the jersey wall would be the end of me.  Someone else's mistake and the bridge not offering any support or safety net or protection from a life altering mistake.

For me to be able to travel a bridge - footbridge or vehicle bridge, it needs to be sturdy, dependable, stable, with a place to pull to the side for a breather if neccessary.  It needs to make me feel confident, secure, safe... kind of what I expect out of people who come into my life.  So, my inability to cross a bridge is a testimony to my insecurities in things I can't control.  I don't trust what I don't know... making huge strides to change my life will take a strong, dependable, safe bridge to support me as I cross from one side to the other.

Interesting Reading - Like I Need More to Contemplate

hello?  Are you all still there?  it's been a while and nothing posted has been THAT interesting to make you want to come back....yeah, I know, I know.  Sorry about that!

Remember my slight book infatuation with "Eat, Pray, Love"?  Yes, I still love that book...still a sucker for watching the movie and zoning out to Julia Roberts narrating passages.  She has such a soothing voice....but, I digress! :)  Elizabeth Gilbert wrote another book called, "Committed: A Love Story", which details her journey to remarriage.  Pretty much discusses marriage through stories steeped in history, religion, culture and other social commentary on the subject. VERY interesting and I'm still only half through it. 

Why am I reading it?  Not entirely sure... as I'm still married and in this "limbo" period in my life.  The idea of remarrying is so far out of my mind because I can't remarry until I'm out of my first marriage whenever or if ever that should happen... save this discussion for another post.

anyway... reason I'm writing this post is because of an interesting part of the book I came across, and yes, I underlined/highlighted it.

According to Greek mythology, humans were once creatures that were essentially two bodies in one.  Two head, four arms, four legs - male/female, female/female and male/male.  "Since we had the perfect partner sewn into the fabric of our very being, we were all happy".  But, our pride got the best of us and Zues punished us for our neglecting the gods and cut all of us in half and we were miserable.  "In this moment of mass amputation, Zeus inflicted on mankind that most painful of human conditions: the dull and constant sense that we are not quite whole.  For the rest of time, humans would be born sensing that there was some missing part - a lost half, which we love almost more that we love ourselves - and that this missing part as out there someplace, spinning through the universe in the form of another person."

In our search for our other half, we come into contact with others and in our loneliness, we mate with the wrong people over and over again, seeking this "perfect" union.  "We may even believe at times that we have found out other half, but it's more likely that all we've found is somebody else who is searching for his other half - somebody who is equally desperate to believe that he has found that completion in us".

Interesting story, huh?  So... what does this mean?  Do we keep searching for the other half?  Or do we find the best fit knowing that we're probably never going to find the perfect fit. 

Along these lines, Ms. Gilbert brought up another tidbit - you'll probably remember that talk about soul mates awhile ago?  When she was told that a soul mate is only here to wake up your soul and move on?  Well, she reflects on her "soul mate" again in such a way that I had to laugh at myself...seriously, I laughed out loud at how ridiculous I became. 

"Spouses with relationships in crisis are also prime candidates for infatuation with a new lover"... um, yeah.  Why oh WHY was this info not taught to me early in life??? What college class could have helped me see that train wreck about to hit me?  And, all the signs were there to warn me.  "My new love interest had a giant EXIT sign hanging above his head - and I dived right through that exit, using the love affair as an excuse to escape my collapsing marriage, then claiming with an almost hysterical certainty that THIS person was everything I truly needed in life...shocking how that didn't work out"  Familiar territory YET again.  I became that person that was driving the other person in my life to run away to the next best thing. 

Hindsight being what it is...Amazing.  Looking forward, I'm still floundering to do the right thing.  But, more and more, I'm receiving subtle signs of a different variety showing me that what I thought was good for me in my dark and twisty place was not good for me.  Only now, as I'm becoming stronger, more confident again am I seeing my world with a little more clarity.



Tree - by Mon'Kee



...speaking of clarity and seeing...I will be getting new glasses this weekend.  and, on that random thought, I'll end this post!  :)

love, Pollyanna