It's been a couple weeks since the disaster date happened and I think I'm ok now. Probably the worst part of it is that somehow or another, music got attached to the memory this person and it was hard for me to listen to anything by One Republic without wanting to stab myself in the ears...but, amazingly, that feeling is going away now. Thank GOD because I really liked them! Would be a damn shame if I couldn't listen to them again when they have so many good songs....
But, it did make me reflect on what my buddy Toddie said about me - that I have this crazy way of attaching on to people in about 2.5 seconds. I don't try to make this happen, but it does. I trust completely until given a reason not to. Which means I put myself out there a lot - hoping that they'll give me the same amount of trust and respect in return. And, with that I end up creating a more intimate relationship than is appropriate, way too fast.
What I need to remember in all this going forward is to NOT forget who I am and that good things are worth the wait and the work. I allowed myself to be changed to make another person happy. I have to remember to not let that happen again. I need to stick to my "deal breakers" and be ok with walking away if it's just not right. I also have to be ok with the idea that there may be things about me that may make them walk away and not to take it personally or sacrifice who I am to keep them around because I'm too scared to be alone.
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best" Marilyn Monroe
So, with this quote, one of my favorites, I'll sign off. :)
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