This past year I have had dreams that have affected me so deeply. I can tell by the way I wake up in the morning that something is profoundly missing in my life. I'm lonely. I miss him. When I wake up with those lonely and empty feelings, I am reminded like a stinging slap to the face that he's not there - for reasons that were always in my control. There are mornings I just want to keep my eyes closed, to soak up the visions in my mind a little longer and hear his voice in my head echoing in the sweet ways I'd often hear over the phone. The memories are fading now as time goes by... the images aren't as clear as they were. I concentrate hard to remember specific parts of him - his eyes especially. Those kind, brown eyes. Eyes that looked at me with total love and adoration. Eyes that could see right through me.
The photo for this post is a perfect fit to a dream I had--I was walking through the forest, much like the forest in this picture. It was chilly, the air was dry, crisp. The leaves crackled under my feet. I was talking - not on the phone I don't think or to anyone in particular walking beside me. Just walking and talking with a very comforting and familiar voice, deeper and deeper into the woods. Suddenly, in my dream, I'm in a ravine - I walked into it, but couldn't get out of it. The walls were either too steep, or the leaves too slippery. I was stuck and continued to walk deeper and further into it until I stopped and called for help... I remember in my dream, just yelling for help. I was alone, at one point, the voice was gone but I kept on yelling. I stopped screaming, and heard in the distance, the familiar voice yelling back to me - I'm here, I'm here...the sound of his voice getting closer to me. I'd yell, he'd respond...then I was pulled out of the ravine and was safe.
Deep, huh? Can you see why it haunts me? I recognized the voice in my dream, but now, after time has passed, I wonder who it really was who saved me in this dream?
7 comments:
Who do you think it was?
See, at this stage, I'm not sure anymore...
When I first had the dream, I was convinced of it's meaning. The forest symbolized the end of my marriage, the ravine was the trap I was in. The voice belonged to my "true love" who was there, beside me the entire journey and there to pull me out of the trap.
Now, looking back at it, I'm not so sure... especially since the voice that belonged to my hearts desire said, "I'm here" but has since left me, who then pulled me out of the trap?
Who is always there when the only way to look is up? Think about it.
recently, i did look at it as a divine dream. that the voice, the situation, all of it had a deeper meaning.
I have a hard time putting trust into God like that... I'd like to believe it, but I'm not quite there yet. I'm more scientific of a thinker - I trust what I can see, touch, smell and feel with my hands. Having faith like that is not easy for me.
I do look at gifts that come into my life and wonder why...and smile believing that God or the Universe has a message for me.
Thomas was the same way.
who is/was Thomas? What changed his thinking?
St. Thomas. He had to touch and see the risen Jesus. I'm like you. I'm very empirical on my thinking. Faith is tough for me, but I'm working on it! ;)
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