Long before life made me bitter and jaded, I dreamt of the "perfect" wedding. I think every girl does this and often it's at some dreamy stage in her life when it's all rainbows, butterflies, castles and Prince Charming. There's never really anyone else involved in this plan - just a girl, a magazine and ideas of how her life is supposed to turn out following one magical moment in time in her distant future.
I had it in my head that I would have a Christmas wedding. Naturally, the world is in a happier frame of mind during the holidays - Gifts, food, family, sparkle - its truly magical, so adding a fairy tale wedding right in the middle of all the festivities just made sense in some deep part of my soul.
My dress would be classic - white satin, long train, even longer lace veil trailing from the perfect sparkling tiara. My bridesmaids would wear simple black dresses, holding white fur hand muffs, adorned with deep red flowers, dark green foliage and dotted with stephanotis and crystals. My future husband-to-be and his entourage would wear morning suits of course, with boutonnieres to match my flowing bouquet. The church would be awash in candle light, with lines of ficus trees dripping in white twinkle lights. As my guests enter, making their way to their seats, an orchestra would be playing music as festive as the season and the occasion...building up to the moment when I enter the church, with all my hopes and dreams ready to share with the one person placed on this earth to help me realize them. The party that followed the vows would of course be amazing...every detail was planned out perfectly, without the aid of Pinterest.
Because I missed my family and was longing for tradition, I had begged and begged to visit the National Christmas tree for years after I had moved out of my parents house. One year, out of the blue, I was asked to go to dinner and visit the National Christmas Tree by the White House, which led to a marriage proposal that I truly wasn't expecting. I was engaged only days before Christmas and it seemed as though the path I wanted to be on was unfolding in front of me - some of the journey had changed along the way, but, it appeared that this was where I was supposed to be. Someone wanted to marry me...someone I had been with for what seemed like forever, so it was a natural next step. That's how its supposed to be right?
I began a life of what I believed was what marriage was supposed to be about the day we started planning the wedding. It's not about one person's dream or desires, but what both people would want to make the other person happy. So, I let go of one of my very first dreams, conceded to a spring wedding, which then set in motion a cycle that turned out not to be about compromise, but something lonely and one-sided. And ultimately, the marriage ended - we weren't on the same journey, we weren't walking together and I finally had to stop the ride to get off before it killed me.
The Universe made the signs so obvious to me a year ago...I was truly in tune with what I desired most in my life. I don't think it could have been more obvious that I needed to recreate the life I always wanted and deserved, to bring my dreams within my reach again.
Realizing that I lost this dream recently made me aware that I stopped listening to my soul, my heart, my inner voice even though so much was screaming at me to listen. So, when I am confronted with those life defining moments that will in all ways change my life; when I'm at a crossroads, what will I decide? Will I choose Christmas?
My dress would be classic - white satin, long train, even longer lace veil trailing from the perfect sparkling tiara. My bridesmaids would wear simple black dresses, holding white fur hand muffs, adorned with deep red flowers, dark green foliage and dotted with stephanotis and crystals. My future husband-to-be and his entourage would wear morning suits of course, with boutonnieres to match my flowing bouquet. The church would be awash in candle light, with lines of ficus trees dripping in white twinkle lights. As my guests enter, making their way to their seats, an orchestra would be playing music as festive as the season and the occasion...building up to the moment when I enter the church, with all my hopes and dreams ready to share with the one person placed on this earth to help me realize them. The party that followed the vows would of course be amazing...every detail was planned out perfectly, without the aid of Pinterest.
Because I missed my family and was longing for tradition, I had begged and begged to visit the National Christmas tree for years after I had moved out of my parents house. One year, out of the blue, I was asked to go to dinner and visit the National Christmas Tree by the White House, which led to a marriage proposal that I truly wasn't expecting. I was engaged only days before Christmas and it seemed as though the path I wanted to be on was unfolding in front of me - some of the journey had changed along the way, but, it appeared that this was where I was supposed to be. Someone wanted to marry me...someone I had been with for what seemed like forever, so it was a natural next step. That's how its supposed to be right?
I began a life of what I believed was what marriage was supposed to be about the day we started planning the wedding. It's not about one person's dream or desires, but what both people would want to make the other person happy. So, I let go of one of my very first dreams, conceded to a spring wedding, which then set in motion a cycle that turned out not to be about compromise, but something lonely and one-sided. And ultimately, the marriage ended - we weren't on the same journey, we weren't walking together and I finally had to stop the ride to get off before it killed me.
The Universe made the signs so obvious to me a year ago...I was truly in tune with what I desired most in my life. I don't think it could have been more obvious that I needed to recreate the life I always wanted and deserved, to bring my dreams within my reach again.
Realizing that I lost this dream recently made me aware that I stopped listening to my soul, my heart, my inner voice even though so much was screaming at me to listen. So, when I am confronted with those life defining moments that will in all ways change my life; when I'm at a crossroads, what will I decide? Will I choose Christmas?
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