I had been accused for years of being unfaithful to my husband and struggled with how badly those accusations affected me and my decisions. Back then, I never understood what would make someone think that of me, because back then, I was different. It didn't make sense. But, I stuck to my guns, denied everything and carried on.
Then, last week, I had a hunch, a very very strong hunch that made me review in my mind all the past actions and comments of my husband. Everything in the world pointed to his being unfaithful and as much as I thought it would affect me, it did. I felt so helpless because all I wanted was to be able to prove it, once and for all. Then, my moment arrived.
He got sloppy - a very late night text set off a chain of events of which I'm still unsure of how it will turn out. I woke up the next day and while he was in the bathroom, I did what I swore I'd never do. I snooped. I opened his phone and was shocked at what I saw. I expected to see a different name, but instead, saw the name, "denise". I have no idea who Denise is...she's not a family friend and because I don't know her, every text sent by her and to her screamed innappropriate. I put the phone down and the seeds of doubt that had been flying around me for years finally took root in my mind.
Later that same day, I decided I would try to see what was on his other phone. But, it was locked, a simple pattern stood between me and the truth. And, divine intervention came shining through when my little girl told me the pattern I needed to trace to get into the phone...and it worked. I found what I needed to find to convince me beyond a shadow of a doubt that my husband had been unfaithful to me. He broke his vows, he checked out of the marriage and strung ME along for years.
I was so sure he loved me....in his own way. That he meant it when he said he couldn't live without me. That I couldn't leave him. I felt guilty for all my baggage and issues...I felt awful that I couldn't love him as much as he loved me. But, truth be told...he doesn't love me. He loves her. And, he's just waiting for the time when he can grow balls enough to leave ME for her.
Well Mr. Man... allow me to make it easy for you. I have the balls you lack. You underestimated me entirely. You made a big mistake thinking you're bullet proof. As Marilyn Monroe once said, "A wise woman leaves before she is left".
Stay tuned for updates...this is going to be a bumpy ride before it's finally over! <3 Pollyanna
1 comment:
Excellent post!
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