Cicadas and Adventures in Single Mom-hood

Many of you can attest to a couple of simple, straight forward facts about me, if you know me at all - I'm NOT a morning person and I HATE bugs/spiders.  Those two are probably the most important to remember. 

This morning, after dragging myself out of bed following a very sleepless night, my head still a little fuzzy and groggy, not entirely sure what time it was yet, I hear my son yell from the other end of the house, "mom, there's a cicada in the playroom".  I'm sorry, what did he say?  Now, imagine my completely and total horror and shock when I entered the playroom expecting him to toss a cicada nymph shell on me as a joke (since that's what little boys do, terrorize their moms with crap like that) and instead saw THIS sitting on a chair,cozy, chill-axing like he's at a spa:

Oh, yes, I freaked a little, no strike that, a LOT, but had to do it on the inside so as NOT to panic my child and send him into therapy earlier than neccessary.  I had no idea what to do... I glanced around the house, trying to figure out how the hell I was going to get this sucker out of my house before he decided to take a self guided tour through the rooms.  Visions of the scene from Black Sheep with Chris Farley popped into my head as i realized I didn't have a broom or protective gear handy to suit up so I could handle this sucker.

From across the playroom, I ask my son to open the patio door - he cracks it open.  No son, I yell, OPEN THE DOOR!!!  So, he slides it all the way open and steps to the side as I slowly inch the chair toward the door, then, once safely out of the house, I attempted to move the creature from my chair to the patio table, with my son's help of course.  Funny thing about these bugs - they're clumsy awkward suckers.  Their bodies are too big for their wings to handle, so when they attempt to take off in flight, they wobble and tumble until their engines kick in.  They become unpredictable as hell, so when this alien thing realized that he was being evicted, he decided to take off, surely flipping me the bird as he was doing so, and I swear to god, if he had landed on me in those clumsy awkward initial flight moments, I wouldn't be here blogging.  F-ing bugs!!!