I thought I knew what was rock solid in my life and what wasn't. I thought I knew what I could depend on, and what I couldn't. All this has changed. I'm at a redefining moment...a cross road. It's a moment to sweep away the shattered peices of me and dig deep into my soul to find myself again.
No matter what ever happened, I clung to my family as a stable source of inspiration and support. I felt safe when with them... found comfort in talking to them and felt valued when they confided in me. That's all but gone now. Miles and miles away from the people I loved most in the world and today I feel more of an outsider looking in than I ever have.
It seems so easy right now to just pull into myself and just be. No trust issues, no misunderstandings, no hurt, no pain (unless it's pain I cause myself).
I have no desire for anything else really...things that should make me ecstatically happy, don't even register a ripple of emotion. I know what this is...its a very familiar feeling all over again. And, if it wasn't for my two kids, I don't think I'd care much to even try to fix it. They're all I really have right now...probably all I'll ever have...until the day they push me away, saying I'm controlling and manipulative, lack empathy and understanding.
2 comments:
There are so many people that have your best interests at heart, so many that have your back, so many that love you mOre than you know, and so many that feel helpless when you feel that way. No one who is as friendly, thoughtful, selfless and precious as you ever suffers alone. When you're up, we're up. When you're down, we're down. We are also known as 'your true friends'. We are rare and we care.
I truly appreciate the comment...very, very much. February was not a good month for me, but now, in March and moving forward, I'm regaining my sense of self again, along with that zany confidence you all know and love! A new post is coming soon--once I catch up on my "big girl" duties! thank you once again, don't feel helpless - sometimes all I need is a simple "i love you" and that makes all the difference.
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