I LOVE YOU

Saying, "I love you"... when is it too much, not enough?  Should you ever refrain from saying it because you're sure the other person knows you love them already and don't need to hear it? 

Every opportunity I have, I say I love you to my family and my close friends.  Before bedtime, as we're getting off the phone, before I take off on a plane for work travel, just randomly during the day as I grab a kid in a bear hug.  There is never a moment in any of their lives where they will doubt the love I have for them.  For some strange reason, I ended up marrying the guy who decided early in our relationship that saying, "I love you" all the time was overkill, I should know he loved me... And, sadly, I accepted that.  Shocker that things fell apart as they did. 

I'm not about to push for people tossing out generic sounding "love you" just to say it...it has to be felt from the heart and also has to be followed up with demonstrations of love in every day situations.  Like, perhaps, bear hugging children, putting away laundry, picking up flowers, having a truck detailed, passionate kiss out of no where, actively listening to your person to know which author is their favorite, which movie they want to see, cooking dinner...sitting with them quietly after a long hard day without any expectations. 

Never, ever, ever pass up an opportunity to say, "I love you".  You just don't know when that chance will be gone and the regret carried on both sides of the coin can be more than most can handle.  Do you want to look back at the last time you were with someone special and remember their voice saying, "I love you" and having that echo in your heart?  Or, do you want to kick yourself for the rest of your life for not saying it to them while the moment was there? 

Think about it... :) I love you!

Why Pollyanna?

I was asked why I chose the pen name, "Becoming Pollyanna" and was shocked that there are people out in the world who have NO clue who Pollyanna is or understand the reference.  Let me take a moment to educate you people... ;-)

When I was young, my mom had us watch old Disney movies - and one of them was called Pollyanna, based on the book which came out in 1913.  The story is about an orphan girl who was sent to live with her aunt and over time she transformed the citizens of an entire town due to her contagious positive spirit.  She had a game she played with her father called the glad game and it was a way to find the good in every situation.  Toward the end of the movie, she became paralyzed and although she couldn't walk, she was grateful that she had the opportunity to have her legs work at one point in her young life.

For me to "become Pollyanna", I need to embrace this positive outlook and continue to focus on the good parts in my life and be grateful for the gifts - big and small - when they are bestowed upon me.  My thanks to the universe for these gifts is to continue to pass along positivity and love each step of my life journey, paying it forward to others who need it and touching the lives of those who are also struggling. 

It's tough to be like this when life seems to be throwing me curveballs, but I'm getting better at it as I go, thanks to some amazing family members and great friends who can make me laugh at myself and who remind me how lucky I really am.

So, if you have never read the book - here's another one for you to go check out at the library. Or find the movie on Netflix.... and really try to think about the underlying lesson:  That sometimes life sucks, I mean really, really sucks.  But, there is always something in your life you can be grateful for and that's how you start to become Pollyanna!

My Last Lecture

A couple of years ago, one of my best friends turned me on to a book called "The Last Lecture" by Professor Randy Pausch.  In this book, Dr. Pausch outlines all the life lessons he wanted to impart on his children and his students.  The premise for the book was that Dr. Pausch was invited by Carnegie to give a "Last Lecture" to the students - the theme being, this is your last chance to talk to the students, what lessons would you like to leave them?  Sadly, Dr. Pausch was battling pancreatic cancer and this was actually truly his last lecture.  He followed this presentation with the book in which he expanded on the lessons so that his children would have his wisdom in front of them forever.  If you haven't read it, pick it up today and read it, treasure it and pass it on, pay it forward.  This world will become a better place if we learn to live by some of his examples! 

My "last lecture" is based on a letter I wrote to my brother on his 18th birthday.  I will likely write a similar one to each of my kids as they get ready to leave the nest and think there are very valuable nuggets in here for everyone to think of again  - because we do forget and always need reminding:

I have so much I want to express to you before you leave, but I just didn’t find the right time or place to say the things I needed to say. I’m sorry I wasn’t around for you the way I have been for the others. I feel bad that I didn’t teach you how to drive or attend your school functions or soccer games. Hopefully we’ll have other opportunities to spend time together as you get older, right?
It’s hard to believe you’re 18 years old. You’ve grown up so much and endured so much over the past couple of years. I know that you, as well as the rest of us have been dealt a crappy hand. It sucks that our parents are the way they are. But, we can’t change them or fix them. We cannot control their actions or reactions. Their problems are their own; their past, present and future are their own. We are NOT them. We have the chance to do things right. We have each other to lean on and support—to see us for who we are. I know we have to work a little harder for the things our friends have. And I can also tell you that we will enjoy the fruits of our labors more than our friends. When you work for something, and the reward is sweet, the feeling you come away with in the end is something your friends will never be able to understand or duplicate.

I truly believe in you. I don’t think you realize how special you are and always will be. You can accomplish anything you put your mind to. You’re so smart, caring, talented, and level-headed. Spending time with you at the art museum allowed me to see only a part of your intelligence. I was awestruck watching you view the art and talk about the artists. Your curiosity and thirst for knowledge is inspiring. I wished so much that I had you as my older brother and role model. I wanted to know the things you know, read your books and understand them. You have so much to offer…remember that.

Unfortunately, I can’t protect you from every evil, temptation or bad decision which will confront you as you grow up. I have to trust that you can take care of yourself. For some reason, you and I were blessed with the ability to take care of ourselves and our family. I am so proud of the way you’ve taken care of our younger siblings. I felt better knowing you were there for them. I want to make sure I pass onto you these pearls of wisdom that were not given to me when I was your age. Please remember them and take them to heart.

Money Watch your money, watch your money, watch your money! As soon as you get your bank accounts, make sure you save your money. Only put money into your checking account that will cover your bills and expenses. Put the rest in savings! Always pay yourself first. What ever you put in savings must not be touched. This is your lifeline…your down payment on a car, house, or investment. Set up a separate savings account for big purchases or school. Balance your checkbook…Don’t write a check you can’t cover. Don’t spend more than you can afford. If you must borrow, pay it back on time. Don’t skip payments ever. Your credit is so important. Excellent credit will allow you to buy a house, motorcycle, new car. Your credit history stays with you forever.


Cars Learn as much as you can about how your car works and learn how to maintain your vehicle. Car maintenance can become expensive…always find ways to cut costs! An oil change is less than $10. Don’t get suckered into paying Jiffy Lube for something you can do on your own. Check your oil, fluids, tires and brakes. If you take care of it, it will last longer. Keep track of your repairs and maintenance religiously. You should always know when to change your oil or rotate your tires. Never skip a car payment. It’s not cool to have your credit history screwed up or have your car repossessed. And, one more very important car tip. Insure your car. Do NOT go without car insurance ever. Don’t count on mom and dad to do this for you. It’s your car, your responsibility.

Health If your job offers health insurance, please sign up for it. Otherwise, shop around for rates and sign up. It will be pricey, but will save you from hassle later on! Getting sick, breaking a foot, cutting off fingers, car accident can be expensive. Make sure you take your vitamins, drink milk and juice and get a physical once a year. Keep having your eyes checked, too. One of the first things I did when I moved out was buy health insurance.


Work Well, you seem to have this one covered. Respect your boss…even if you don’t agree with them. Go to work on time, and bust your backside. Always go the extra mile. And remember…if you need to get out of town, you can come down here and work with XXX.


Girls Ok, so you don’t have a girl friend right now…but you will someday. Please treat her with respect and adoration. Give compliments, remember special days and listen to her. Always be honest and truthful. Trust is very important. I’m going to save the safe sex thing…I hope you know what you need to know there. If not, ask. Sometimes, relationships don’t work out. Try to step back and examine what happened. If it’s something you did, make sure you don’t do it again. If it’s something she did, well, you can’t change her. Either learn to love her with her faults or move on. Always remember that if you do suffer a heart wrenching break up, you will find happiness again. I promise. Don't take it out on the next girl who comes into your life...

Other pearls Send thank you cards, show your appreciation, be kind to others and generous with your time, talents and skills. Help a friend, stranger or neighbor when they need it. Pay it forward…do something nice for someone. It will come back to you. And never be too proud to ask for help.


I guess that’s it for now. I’m sorry to ramble on, but I had to write this to you. I love you so much. I am always here for you. Thank you for being a great brother and a wonderful person! I love you!  Sissy