Fire on a Cold Night

Wandering aimlessly, stumbling along the path before me
Appearing through the trees, the fire draws me near.
For a moment I sit beside the hearth, welcoming the companionship, as the chill is forgotten.
The wind whispers, I have to leave, my searching is not over.
Turning away from the flames, I feel the grip of cold on my heart
Taking my breath away with each tightening grasp.
Reaching back, I grab an ember, feeling the warmth in my hand as a reminder.
Flailing, helpless, tripping on my own two feet
Lost on the path stretching before me, the ember's heat fading in my hand.
Am I walking in circles?
Stronger, brighter, more fierce, leaping higher into the air
Flames coaxing me, drawing me closer to the hearth again
Stepping from the path, the cold forgotten.
Enticing, licking, caressing flames
Twirling, dancing, spinning, falling
Burning!
The fire spits me out back into the chilly night.
I'm left with a forever memory of that moment
Searing, red, hot
The flames subside and a fading scar remains
Each glance reminding me of where I don't belong.
The wind howls, the path reappears before me.
Searching, pleading, wanting shelter from the cold and protection from the fire
I stumble along the path before me.

What Is It I Want

Interesting - I found an old journal, one that was hand written from 2008 time period and thought I'd post this...my wish I had put out into the universe:

What Is It I Want?

A companion to walk beside me, with me

Help me with dinner

Be a partner, work with me

Kindness to others, genuine spirit

Easily smiles with eyes that also smile

Laugh and Play and be Silly

Make me a better mom and wife by taking care of me, too

Don't allow me to shut down when I get mad

Don't walk away from me

Be devoted, loyal and supportive

Accept and forgive my faults

Embrace what makes me passionate

Appreciate the things that make me smile

Love my children

Show my children that you love me and be their friend

Anticipate my needs

Have faith

Love life

Possess positive energy

Eat Pray Love - so Inspiring

"I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism." - Elizabeth Gilbert

This summer, I read the book, "Eat, Pray, Love" and was inspired.  So much of what Elizabeth goes through in this book I have felt in my own heart.  That realization that the perfect marriage and life wasn't where she was supposed to be, the falling for this random man in her life who was all she could think of, but so wrong for her and the longing to rediscover herself so she could move on to a greater life and purpose. 

Unfortunately, I can't take a year of my life off to travel to Italy, India and Bali... but I'm determined to find my own path.  First things first, shed the bad, the ugly, the energy sapping world around me for something better.